[Dargon-writers-list] CRIT (LD): Challenge Story, draft 3

[bdonahue at fuse.net]

---- "White wrote: 
> > From:  William Donahue
> > 
> > One comment, very minor. Otherwise RTP.
> > 
> >  >causeway being down.  But the distant location of the 
> > Corathin Pottery 
> > was on
> >  >this side of the Coldwell River, so that couldn't be the 
> > problem.  The 
> > sounds of
> > 
> > It's unfortunate that the earlier "this side of the 
> > Coldwell", which was 
> > more of an expression, seems to contradict the location. If 
> > the Pottery 
> > itself is on this side of the Coldwell, it seems unlikely 
> > that he is the 
> > only seller on that side. Maybe be more explicit: "this side of the 
> > Coldwell in Dargon"? Maybe not.
> > 
> > L
> > 
> I obviously have two choices here.
> 
> 1) Explain things like I was writing an encyclopedia entry, spelling 
> everything out so clearly that any dunce can tell what's being said,
> ignoring any attempt at giving the merchant some kind of reasonable
> speech pattern and character
> 
> or
> 
> 2) Expect that a person or two reading this (so far, no one but me, but
> I can dream) can extrapolate the relevant facts:  a) the goods from the
> pottery don't have to cross the Coldwell because the factory is east of 
> river - far (miles!) east, but still east; and b) the market stall in
> the Venilek *is* the only place to buy Corathin Pottery on in the Old
> City section of Dargon because the pieces usually go to the
> higher-paying
> nobility on the west side of the river.
> 
> If you'd like, I can change my short story into an epic to explain WHY
> he's
> the only one who sells the stuff in the Old City ......... or we can 
> presume that he's not lying and let it go, just like Jim's not being
> asked
> to explore the historical and scientific facts of his fireworks.
> 
>           \\Dafydd

Sorry. By "maybe not" above, I meant it may not even be worth the effort to change it. It was just something I noticed that struck me odd, as a reader.

Feel free to leave it alone, as far as I am concerned.

L