[Dargon-writers-list] CRIT (LD): Challenge Story, draft 3

[White, John]

> From:  William Donahue
> 
> One comment, very minor. Otherwise RTP.
> 
>  >causeway being down.  But the distant location of the 
> Corathin Pottery 
> was on
>  >this side of the Coldwell River, so that couldn't be the 
> problem.  The 
> sounds of
> 
> It's unfortunate that the earlier "this side of the 
> Coldwell", which was 
> more of an expression, seems to contradict the location. If 
> the Pottery 
> itself is on this side of the Coldwell, it seems unlikely 
> that he is the 
> only seller on that side. Maybe be more explicit: "this side of the 
> Coldwell in Dargon"? Maybe not.
> 
> L
> 
I obviously have two choices here.

1) Explain things like I was writing an encyclopedia entry, spelling 
everything out so clearly that any dunce can tell what's being said,
ignoring any attempt at giving the merchant some kind of reasonable
speech pattern and character

or

2) Expect that a person or two reading this (so far, no one but me, but
I can dream) can extrapolate the relevant facts:  a) the goods from the
pottery don't have to cross the Coldwell because the factory is east of 
river - far (miles!) east, but still east; and b) the market stall in
the Venilek *is* the only place to buy Corathin Pottery on in the Old
City section of Dargon because the pieces usually go to the
higher-paying
nobility on the west side of the river.

If you'd like, I can change my short story into an epic to explain WHY
he's
the only one who sells the stuff in the Old City ......... or we can 
presume that he's not lying and let it go, just like Jim's not being
asked
to explore the historical and scientific facts of his fireworks.

          \\Dafydd