[Dargon-writers-list] CRIT (LD) The Game part 1 RTP

[William Donahue]

One minor tweak, and a question.

 >either side of the bed. I had brought a candle with me, and I 
proceeded to light
 >one of the other candles.
 >      "Please light everything," she said.
 >      I frowned as I lit every candle.
 >      "The sconce too, please."
 >      I stood on the bed and lit it, then got down and went out of the 
room to
 >put the lit torch back from where I'd gotten it. When I returned to 
the room, it

At the beginning of that section, he brought a candle, but he puts back 
a torch. I'd suggest changing the section reference to a candle, as a 
torch seems a little out of place for a brothel.


 >If I had only pried into her life a bit more …"

 From what a remember of previous drafts, I can't think of what he might 
have learned, later in the story, about her life that would make this 
sentence make sense. Did you change something later? If not, what was it 
that he could have learned that would have saved him from the problem 
that develops?